Where is the Drama?
The Editor of Sentinel
Literary Quarterly tries to relax in front of the
television for a compulsory viewing of the Mickey
Mouse Clubhouse with his son when the phone suddenly
begins to ring.
Editor: Hello, SLQ, may I help you?
Caller: You bloody well may, if you are the
editor of Sentinel Literary Quarterly.
Editor: Yes. This is he. (Turns down TV
volume, as son begins to yell a protest).
Caller: I am currently on your website. Trying
to read the magazine.
Caller: Well yes, I can't find the bloody drama,
Editor: But that's because we won't start
publishing drama until our October issue.
Caller: Why couldn't you bloody wait until
October to put the link? It kind of gives the wrong
impression, you know.
Editor: Please cut out the 'bloody'. It is doing
my head in. (Pauses) I put the link now
because I wanted to, because it will tell our
readers to expect some drama from next quarter, and
because next quarter, I don't have to start fussing
around with the page layout.
Caller: So, you are a lazy sod then.
Editor: Possibly. (Getting a little annoyed.)
Anything else I can do for you?
Caller: I bet you will be publishing tonnes of
African plays then?
Editor: Why do you suggest that?
Caller: You are bloo..., You are African, aren't
you? With that name NN something.
Editor: I will encourage lots of African stage
and screen plays, yes. But Sentinel has always been
about anyone from any part of the world.
Caller: Well that's good to know. I was a little
concerned, being from Aberdeen and all. I write a
little, you know.
Editor: No sir. I don't know.
Caller: Well then, I better submit something
Editor: Please do that.
Caller: I have written a comedy about the MPs
expenses scandal. Do you know, a lot of African
friends of mine don't find it at all shocking that
the MPs have taken liberty with the taxpayer's
Editor: Are you done?
Caller: You sound a little cheesed. Just fancied
a little bit of banter, that's all.
Editor: But right now, I don't fancy a banter.
Caller: You do really. I can tell. I bet you
will be publishing something by
Paul Eustice then. His beard! My word!
Editor: Listen mate. I really have to get back
to watching Mickey Mouse. By all means send your
play or excerpt from a play, and we'll consider it.
Please keep it under 15,000 words. Send to
Caller: You watch Mickey Mouse?
Editor: Goodnight sir.
Caller: Really, you watch...
Editor: I don't want to be rude and put the
phone down. Goodnight sir.
Caller: Well aawlright! Goodnight.
The Editor switches off phone. Apologises to son and
returns to the very beginning of Mickey's Great