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Where is the Drama?
The Editor of Sentinel
Literary Quarterly tries to relax in front of the
television for a compulsory viewing of the Mickey
Mouse Clubhouse with his son when the phone suddenly
begins to ring.
Editor: Hello, SLQ,
may I help you?
Caller: You bloody
well may, if you are the editor of Sentinel Literary
Quarterly.
Editor: Yes. This
is he. (Turns down TV volume, as son begins to
yell a protest).
Caller: I am
currently on your website. Trying to read the
magazine.
Editor: Trying?
Caller: Well yes,
I can't find the bloody drama, can I?
Editor: But that's
because we won't start publishing drama until our
October issue.
Caller: Why
couldn't you bloody wait until October to put the
link? It kind of gives the wrong impression, you
know.
Editor: Please cut
out the 'bloody'. It is doing my head in. (Pauses)
I put the link now because I wanted to, because it
will tell our readers to expect some drama from next
quarter, and because next quarter, I don't have to
start fussing around with the page layout.
Caller: So, you
are a lazy sod then.
Editor: Possibly.
(Getting a little annoyed.) Anything else I
can do for you?
Caller: I bet you
will be publishing tonnes of African plays then?
Editor: Why do you
suggest that?
Caller: You are
bloo..., You are African, aren't you? With that name
NN something.
Editor: I will
encourage lots of African stage and screen plays,
yes. But Sentinel has always been about anyone from
any part of the world.
Caller: Well
that's good to know. I was a little concerned, being
from Aberdeen and all. I write a little, you know.
Editor: No sir. I
don't know.
Caller: Well then,
I better submit something then.
Editor: Please do
that.
Caller: I have
written a comedy about the MPs expenses scandal. Do
you know, a lot of African friends of mine don't
find it at all shocking that the MPs have taken
liberty with the taxpayer's money.
Editor: Are you
done?
Caller: You sound
a little cheesed. Just fancied a little bit of
banter, that's all.
Editor: But right
now, I don't fancy a banter.
Caller: You do
really. I can tell. I bet you will be publishing
something by
Paul Eustice then. His beard! My word!
Editor: Listen
mate. I really have to get back to watching Mickey
Mouse. By all means send your play or excerpt from a
play, and we'll consider it. Please keep it under
15,000 words. Send to
sentinel@sentinelpoetry.org.uk
Caller: You watch
Mickey Mouse?
Editor: Goodnight
sir.
Caller: Really,
you watch...
Editor: I don't
want to be rude and put the phone down. Goodnight
sir.
Caller: Well
aawlright! Goodnight.
The Editor switches
off phone. Apologises to son and returns to the very
beginning of Mickey's Great Clubhouse Hunt.
Blackout.
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